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THE ILLUSION OF FREE WILL

其他書名	Abusers don't recognise gender
出版	the good little film company, 2020-05-21
主題	Biography & Autobiography / Survival
URL	http://books.google.com.hk/books?id=iM_lDwAAQBAJ&hl=&source=gbs_api
EBook	SAMPLE

註釋If, like me, you have been in a relationship with a narcissist (whether you have realised it or not) and come out the other side, you will likely have reached a point of registering that you are in a "no win situation" before being able to remove yourself for good. Unfortunately for me, by the time I came to this conclusion I had hit rock bottom. I was financially bankrupt and ended up leaving a hotel room in a foreign country that my wife and I were staying in, with nothing more than the clothes I had on, and barely enough money to get away with. By this point I was so desperate to escape that I left without my passport, even though I was in the middle of Bangkok, because she had been keeping it from me for many years. This being just one of the methods my wife used to stop me from leaving her. Understandably, people find it hard to fathom why I did not take off earlier and waited so long to finally go. The truth is that I tried to do just that many times during the course of our four-year relationship. And as anyone that has been in a similar situation can attest, it just isn't that simple. For one thing if you truly believe, as I did, that you are in love and have found your soul mate (for want of a better word) you will do almost anything to see the relationship succeed. But the fact is that even though you are in love with this person or perhaps because of it, you are still completely screwed. The narcissist will never change. I would even argue that they are incapable of doing so. They are simply too focused on their own needs and desires at any given time to be able to. The result is that you decide to be the one that changes and capitulates, because if you don't, then the relationship simply won't last. You reason that at some point you will have managed to morph into the person he or she proclaims to want. All the while the goal posts keep being moved further and further away, until the day one realises that no amount of changing or giving, will ever be enough to satisfy the narcissist. They will always want and need more. However this book is not a self-help book, or a how to guide. It simply tells a story that starts at the point of initial meeting with Eve the narcissist in question, and ends with an escape through the streets of Thailand. To anybody that has experienced a similar relationship many things will be very familiar, like the narcissists total lack of empathy, financial exploitation, violence, great sex and even love at times. Other things will probably be unfamiliar, like being involved in a so-called cult. Though through experience I have now come to suspect that all cult leaders must also be narcissists or perhaps some extreme narcissists also become cult leaders. Either way round they then use their natural charisma and power of persuasion over others to coral and cajole followers into not only doing their biding, but as minions they can use to control other people even further. If I had a single wish for this tale told in first person, it would be that beyond being an entertaining story, it could perhaps help someone in a similar situation recognise the signs of abuse sooner, rather than later. And that this story be a catalyst for an earlier removal from an ultimately futile relationship.